Help Wanted: It was anyway

With the mid-term elections over, we here at Thomas Ryan, LLC have returned to “business as usual.”  Actually, the mid-term elections was not the reason for yet another one of our hard-to-explain hiatuses. Truth be told, we have been absent from cyberspace due to Thomas’ self-imposed quest to save the extinct Japanese River Otters.

While conducting research online at, “…the most reliable. online resource.” Thomas’ words, not mine.  Thomas learned that the Japanese River Otters were never a real species, but one that was created by the Republicans as a means to prove that they were not Speciesists as many Democrats were claiming right before the mid-term elections.

As Thomas neglected his duties here at the office, which included ignoring the many collections letters, and attempts by our Internet Service Provider to notify us of a service rate increase, the letters piled up on his desk, unopened.  When Thomas finally did open one of these letters, he was immediately incensed, and called the customer service line to investigate.

The only part of that English-as-a-second-language conversation with the customer service representative that Thomas understood was “bandwidth,” and this led Thomas to believe that we were now being charged for-or overcharged-for our bandwidth usage.

The Japanese River Otter scandal was going to have to wait until Thomas dealt with what he considered was ISP Bandwidth price gouging.  He then placed an add in the local paper for an I.T. Professional.  Clearly, Thomas thought he needed to bring out the big guns for this “David and Goliath” fight.

As luck would have it, a young man named Reed submitted his CV, and out of all the I.T. certified professionals who responded, Reed was the only one who ever worked at an Apple store in the local mall, and that, to Thomas, was indicative of Reed’s potential.  That said, young Reed was invited to an interview.

During the interview, Reed told us that he had won the “Genius of the Month” Award in October due to his ability to sell the most Apple products to more technologically-illiterate customers than his co-workers.  Winning this prestigious award meant that Reed could wear his black, mock turtle-neck shirt and jeans outside of the Apple store for the remainder of the month of October, along with a silver colored Apple logo necklace.  Everywhere that Reed went between Oct 26th through the 31st, the people he encountered would be able to identify him as either an Apple Genius, or just someone who really likes Apple products.

The thought of having an award winning, I.T. “genius” on staff was way too exciting for Thomas to pass up, so he immediately hired Reed as the Company Bandwidth Manager.

I could go on, but as we speak, Reed is working on finding software that will enable him to measure exactly how much bandwidth we are using, and that means I should cut this short before I’m issued a “Bandwidth Abuse” ticket.  I don’t what that means either, but we will keep you posted.


Writer & Artist. Seriously, that's all I do.

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