Thomas Ryan: Accepted into college-with caution

Hey all, Seth here.

Well, as you all may have noticed, we have been not as prolific as usual, and I think it’s prudent to fill you all in on why.

Thomas has been winding down after what he considered a hard week battling wits with the Admissions people at the Christian Online college he is now attending.

Evidently, he was not happy about their insistence that he provide proof that he did in fact attend and graduate High-school in the late eighties.  You see, those were crazy times for Thomas, and high-school proved to be a bit of a challenge for him.

It wasn’t until he was a Junior that he discovered the school he was attending was a School for Special Needs children.  To make matters worse, Thomas learned that the majority of his classmates were far surpassing him in terms of grades and GPA.

On several occasions, the school counselors and Principle brought Thomas in for meetings as they strongly suspected that he was faking his developmental disabilities as a means to receive Special Needs benefits.  But after comparing his academic progress with his classmates, they became convinced that he was clearly challenged.

Undaunted by the insensitivity of his school’s officials, Thomas tried in vain to transfer high-schools, but after reviewing his GPA, they refused to transfer the few credits he was able to earn, and thus, he was to remain where he was.

With a history like that, Thomas is now trying to redeem some semblance of dignity by attending a relatively prestigious university.  In his mind, the Christians would be the kind of people who would not judge him for his checkered past, and would, of course, welcome him with open arms.

They weren’t, and Thomas grew increasingly impatient with the admissions reps who emailed him asking for transcripts and the like, so they could verify his minimal education.

I remember one day in particular when Thomas must have been at the end of his tether with one of the college reps, who I guess told Thomas in the email traffic to “Have a blessed day.”  This didn’t sit well with Thomas as he blurted out loud to his computer monitor.

“Have a blessed day!?”  He began.  “Okay fucktard!  I’ll take you up on that, I WILL have a blessed day!  And a fucking chicken sandwich, too!”

I have no idea what that means, but I’m pretty sure typing that in his response to her wasn’t too well received either…

Bye for now,





Writer & Artist. Seriously, that's all I do.

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