Thomas Ryan: Environmentalist-keyword: ‘Mental’

Hi folks, Seth here again with yet another Thomas Ryan tale of …well…Thomas Ryan mentality.

Anyway, Thomas was scanning the headlines on Twitter one morning, and when he learned the Japanese River Otter was now declared extinct, he was positively shocked that the Japanese Government could let this happen.

This news of course, hit very close to home for Thomas even though he has never seen a Japanese River Otter, nor did he know they existed before he saw the tweet on Twitter.  Nonetheless, he felt compelled-nay-called to help the Japanese River Otters and their fight for survival.

Our office has a large, open bay that we used to use for storage and the like, but it has now been turned into a Japanese River Otter sanctuary-or at least-what Thomas believes could pass for the River Otter’s natural habitat.

To make matters more interesting, Thomas has ordered us to install a sound system so Japanese meditation music can be constantly piped into the sanctuary.  The Otters can then “transcend into a blissful sense of being, and thus, become one with the fact that they are extinct.“-Thomas’ words, not mine.

Thomas then started a telephone campaign  to the Japanese government in order to arrange for them to send us all the remaining Japanese River Otters.  Thankfully, Jose Garcia, our accountant is fluent in Japanese, and was a valuable asset as an interpreter.

All was going relatively smoothly until the otters tried to clear Customs upon their arrival to the US.  Evidently, the news of their extinction had travelled quickly through the Department of Homeland Security, the TSA, and ICE, and this news made the enforcement officers of these agencies very suspicious when  the otters deplaned at JAX international, and tried to enter the US with VISAs stating that they were Japanese River Otters.

The otters were detained, interrogated, fed, scanned, interrogated some more, fed again, scanned once more, interrogated, and then given a box lunch while they waited for the Japanese Consulate representative to arrive and verify their identities.

The US agents were careful not to offend their detainees in the event one or all of them may be protected by Diplomatic Immunity, so the keyword ‘Interrogate’ might be a bit strong.  Perhaps ‘Interviewed’ might be a better choice-you know-in the event one of the otters is or is related to a Senior Member of the Japanese Government.

The good news is that eventually the local Japanese Consulate verified the identities of the otters, and we now have an office full of these playful critters who for some reason refuse to stay in their sanctuary.

Bill was none too pleased when he returned from the restroom and discovered that three otters had somehow managed to get his Igloo lunch box open, and were sharing his bologna and cheese sandwich.

Jose was having a helluva time  interpreting for all of us who were trying to convince small packs of otters to ‘get away from our desks’ and ‘get back to the sanctuary’, and so on…

Well, that’s it for now,





Writer & Artist. Seriously, that's all I do.

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