With the Presidential election just around the corner, Thomas Ryan has mobilized his staff, and has turned his office into a campaign headquarters that would marvel the most experienced politician.
After sharing a bottle of wine and a healthy dose of Peyote with the Shaman and Curtis, the Shaman’s donkey, Thomas became convinced that the Presidential candidates weren’t real people, but aliens sent here to study humans, and ultimately turn us all into Scientologists.
L.Ron Hubbard would then be unfrozen at Area 51, and he would reign supreme after eradicating all the Mormons-or at least-converting them to Scientology with a pot-luck picnic and a lively hoedown on the White house lawn.
Tom Cruise and John Travolta would be just two of the keynote speakers who would reaffirm the values of worshipping the Cosmos, Fairy Dust, and each other rather than some real Deity.
When the Shaman, or Curtis-Thomas isn’t real sure which one told him this-finished speaking, Thomas became convinced that he was ‘chosen’ to lead the revolution that would overthrow this tyrannical, secret political movement.
After waking up from his hallucinogenic epiphany, Thomas found his clothes [less his underpants…Curtis ate them] and called his staff to the office for an emergency meeting. We were already at the office when he began to call our mobile phones from his desk, and it was even more disconcerting to us that he didn’t hear our phones ringing just a few feet away.
Nonetheless, we decided to humor Thomas and answered our phones even though we were watching him from our desks as he frantically blathered on and on about Scientologists, Tom Cruise, John Travolta, and Curtis eating Justin Bieber’s underpants that somehow ended up in the Shaman’s freezer.
The end result was that were all supposed to come to the office-STAT!…
…Well, you get the picture.
Until we meet again,