Now that Hurricane Isaac narrowly missed us by about 350 miles, we finally feel safe enough to emerge from our underground bunker here at Thomas Ryan.
As many of you may already know, Thomas Ryan is from Minnesota and thus, is a Hurricane expert [so he says] and that’s why he had the underground bunker installed. He thinks it’s the safest place to be in the event of hurricanes, floods, tornadoes and Justin Bieber music video marathons.
When Thomas Ryan learned of the impending hurricane, he immediately ordered the evacuation of the office and we were told to enter the bunker right away in case Justin Bieber was to arrive seeking shelter from the closing storm.
Thomas was still on hiatus and didn’t divulge his whereabouts. He stated that the state of Florida would be helpless if he was swept away by fast winds, a strong storm surge, or a feisty mob of Justin Bieber fans trying to cop a feel of the teen idols’ jean jacket before he was attacked by Isaac.
Thomas assured us that there was plenty of provisions in the bunker, and that as far as he knew, it was water tight. When asked if it had a working toilet and sink, Thomas replied, “That’s the hope.” and then hung up.
So there you have it, the staff here at Thomas Ryan were finally able to emerge from the hurricane-proof, underground bunker with a defective door latch. We were able to survive off the large box filled with Combos Pretzel snacks and the pallet of energy drinks that were down there for who knows how long.
And the working toilet and sink?…The toilet was not actually connected to any pipes or water supply, and the sink was resting on a stack of milk crates that had gallon bottles of water in them.
See you Tuesday,