Hi folks, Bill here again with the Thomas Ryan Hiatus Update Report.
As many of you know, Thomas Ryan announced four days ago that he was going to go on a hiatus until further notice. As many more of you know, Thomas Ryan is not at all well, and we [the Thomas Ryan staff] agree that it would take more than a simple Hiatus to help him.
Indeed, when Thomas made the announcement, the staff was excited because we thought that this meant we would be on holiday while he was gone…we were wrong…very wrong.
Turns out, Thomas wanted to take some time to “seek his inner self,” and thus, learn the secrets of the famous writers who have gone before him to the writer’s paradise “on the other side.” We don’t know what that means either, so don’t ask.
Before Thomas left, he instructed us to remain at the ready for his updates that he would send via, email, text, carrier pigeon, or whatever other means he could use [depending on his location], and that we [I] were to disseminate the updates to all of our followers. Many of which were gained during our pre-incarceration, door-to-door marketing campaign.
As directed, here is the latest update:
- Day 1: Thomas visits a Buddha who suggests Thomas seek out a Shaman.
- Day 2: Thomas rides a Greyhound Bus to New Mexico, meets a gentleman who claimed to be Jesus…by the end of the journey, Thomas was able to get a confession from the man that he was NOT in fact the real Jesus, but rather, a very distant cousin.
- Day 3: Thomas and the ‘Shaman’ enjoy the liberal usage of Peyote while having a sweat at the camp grounds where the ‘Shaman’ lives with Curtis, his donkey. [Yeah… we’re a little unclear on that one too.]
- Day 4: The affects of the Peyote wears off and Thomas wakes up in the ‘Shaman’s’ bath tub snuggling with Curtis…
Well there you have it, the latest from the life of world-renown writer, Thomas Ryan. Whether you like it or not, we will continue to bring you these updates.
PS: You remember the guy we met in jail, Grease was his name I think-anyway- yeah he was able to learn where Seth lives, and he surprised our young, Junior Editor one evening while Seth was taking a shower after work. Poor kid.