Hi, Seth here-remember me?
Anyway, we came back from lunch today and were greeted with a company-wide email from Thomas Ryan that sent shock waves through all of us.
In the email, he expressed his concerns about our lagging website views, and he attributed it not to piss-poor writing [of course], but rather, to ‘staff low self-esteem.’
That being said, tomorrow morning, we are all required to attend a seminar called “The Positive Me,” hosted by what Thomas thinks is a very ‘gifted’ life coach named Seabreeze.
We are required to wear unitards. If we don’t own one, one will be provided for us to change into when we arrive…[sigh].
Apparently this seminar will include, self-hugging, reaffirmation chanting, group giggling, positive stroking [dear God], and interpretive dance.
Entertainment/meditation music will be provided by Kashmyre Reshneesh and his All-American zither quartet.
Then there’s an all organic, free-range, fair trade, vegetarian buffet for lunch…
Until next time,