Many people have asked, “How does he write so much-so many times a week?”
Assuming they were talking about me, I felt the need to reveal my writing secret: I never leave my computer-I may say I do-but I don’t. I sit here day in and day out.
Weekends, holidays, and everything in between, I am here, at my desk, waiting for inspiration. I don’t eat much, nor do I sleep. Inspiration can come at any time and I will be here, ready to capture the moment.
How does this affect my health? Not at all. I’m in perfect shape and WebMD has verified this.
Does it get lonely? Nope, I have a platoon of desk elves here to keep me company.
They are so adorable. Such cute little creatures-why look-one is dancing as we speak. That’s right little elf, dance, dance to your heart’s content…I SAID DANCE! DANCE YOU LITTLE SHIT! DANCE OR I’LL RIP YOUR FUCKIN’ LEGS OFF!!
THAT’S IT! COME HERE! DON’T YOU RUN FROM ME YOU LITTLE SH-
*Screen fade to black-elevator music starts-cue laxative commercial*