Klout: Don’t let it get to your head, Pt 1

Morris Dilwhied, a single, 46 year old, barely employed man, who lives in his mother’s basement, or “The Situation Room” as he likes to refer to it, was doing his usual Saturday evening routine when he discovered a website that intrigued him.

He happened to notice a pop-up display ad for the site while conquering lands and plundering lesser villages on his favorite online role-playing game that he was a high-ranking gnome, elf, or whatever the hell he was.  He had risen to the rank of ‘Supreme Master’ and thus, he commanded an entire army of other online gnomes, elves, or whatever the hell they were, and this, was his life.  Well, that and working part-time at a local sandwich shop, where he was the ‘Supreme Master’ of the mop, bucket, and garbage bins.

Anyway, this ad asked a very fascinating question.  One that made him think, and he couldn’t help but ponder the question:  “How much Klout do you have?”  The ad invited him to “find out” and by golly, that’s exactly what he felt compelled to do.

He typed ‘BRB’ into the chat box to which Rygor1956, his second-in-command replied,’Where u going? Wre about to attk the Chamaglons!’  He was right, Morris’ clan was about to attack the Chamaglons, and they were quite a strong clan that had defeated many other clans.  But Morris was so intrigued by how much Klout he may or may not have that defeating the Chamaglons was at this moment, the least of his concerns.

“You got the Con.’ he typed back, and he clicked on the display ad that opened another window on his desktop and opened a whole new world to Morris’ psyche.  He opted to sign in with his twitter account and this is where his life took a fantastic turn…

This brilliant new homepage contained his name, a number in an orange box, pictures of other people he influenced, and other data that gave him the impression that he was a very influential person indeed.

The high numbers, the charts that had upward moving lines, all this data that showed he was in fact, a man who could move others.  A man who people were influenced by.  A man who could affect others in fantastic ways.  This revelation thrilled him so much, that he didn’t even notice his mother infiltrate The Situation Room without using the ‘Code word of the day’ to do laundry.

He learned from the FAQ on this site that his scores indicated that he was so influential, that major corporations took notice of people with similar scores, and that he was the type of person that employers, and other useful entities almost feared due to their capacity to spread negative or positive press.

This of course, inspired Morris to investigate this Klout stuff further, and he found and read an article in a very credible, national magazine online that people were actually carrying around business cards with their Klout score on them as a means to publicize their power of influence.

Morris sat straight up in his chair, took a deep breath, and realized what he now must do…His destiny – no – his calling was ever so clear now…


Thomas Ryan – thom_ryan@post.com


Writer & Artist. Seriously, that's all I do.

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